Confessions

Quinn, my hope is that you will read this blog when you are older. Maybe you will even scan through it if you choose to become a mom yourself. Just in case you decide to read it then (when you are trying to figure out how to be a mom to your own baby and are doubting yourself), I want to confess some things. Here it goes.

 

Quinn, your mom has not mastered this whole parenting/running a household gig. At all. Yes, I am feeling more competent each week as I get to know you and as you can do more and more. But look at our dining room table! It is covered in laundry. In all honesty, our laundry may or may not get folded. And it may or may not get put away. I confess that sometimes I get dressed in the dining room, pulling things from the piles at random, in hopes that I have time to get the clothes on before you wake. Sometimes I do manage to move the clothes upstairs, where they are often stored in a heap in the crib in your nursery (since right now you sleep in our room). The clothing may not get folded or put away while in your crib, either; although they have a better chance than when hastily set on the dining room table. I confess that even though the Georgia humidity is awful, sometimes I am grateful for it. It gets the wrinkles out of my unfolded clothes once I put them on.

You are an incredible night sleeper and I am so glad. I would rather be faced with the dilemma of not being able to organize our home than to be completely exhausted each day. Since you sleep so well at night, this means you are awake most of the day, leaving me little time to clean the house or myself. Most days, I take a two minute shower and yank my dripping wet hair in to a pony tail as fast as I can. I confess I have only blow-dried my hair once since you were born.  It was the day of our professional pictures, when you were 8 days old. That was nearly 10 weeks ago now. If you look closely in those pictures, you can see that my hair was really only half blow-dried (you started crying for mommy so I quit early), because it is half curly and half straight.

So if some day you are holding your little baby and feel completely inadequate because your house looks like a disaster zone and you just can't seem to get on top of organizing things, please know that it is ok! Or you may see commercials on TV where the moms look completely put together with perfect hair and spit-up free outfits. As you watch these, you may feel like you are a sloppy mess. But don't let it get you down, dear Quinn. Your own mother went through the same thing.

The most important thing, Quinn, is to focus on your baby. When we play together all day, I don't think about laundry or how I look very often (I have moments, though!). You flash your beautiful, bright smile at me unconditionally and that is what fulfills me. You will feel the same way when your child smiles at you and their eyes sparkle. It is truly magical!

You will be able to put your house in order again later. Last year when I longed for you, I easily put away my laundry with a heavy heart. But you will never get those first moments back with your child. So try your best to let go of trying to do it all. Your mom really needs to take her own advice right about now! Thanks for putting things in to perspective for me, Quinn! I love you.