The Story Behind Your Name

Dear Quinn,

I am writing this post to you for when you are older and want to read the story of how you got your name. Of course Daddy and I plan on telling you many times about how much we dreamed of and longed for you, and how we knew what your name would be even before you were conceived. But maybe one day, a long time from now, it will be special for you to learn more details and see this story in writing.

This past summer, Daddy and I had just moved to Georgia after living five magical years in New Mexico. Mommy was feeling really sad and homesick after the move. We left behind many dear friends, a beautiful home and an active life in the mountains and the forest. Our main reason for moving was to help us get you. We had grown tired of making countless trips to El Paso and Tucson to meet with specialists. We decided it would be better to live closer to experts that might be able to help us find out why we were having such trouble bringing you to us. Also, we imagined that moving to a less remote area might be better for you as a child. We thought there would be more resources and opportunities for you in Georgia.

So there we were in a new place, far away from all things familiar, with no friends or family nearby, and our fourth loss was fresh and painful. I wanted to love our beautiful, big new home. But it felt so empty, and I was worried I would never fill it up with a family. I left one room empty in the home when we moved in. It was the one I knew would be your room if you were able to come to us. It was hard for Mommy to look in to that room and wonder if and when you would finally come. The swingset tucked away in a corner of the big back yard was so hard for me to look at, too. If I stared at it long enough, tears would fill my eyes as I wondered if you would play on the swings one day.

One evening, Mommy and Daddy sat on the couch and had a long talk with each other. Despite being sad and lonely, we stayed close to each other and supported one another. We talked about trying for you again. We had an appointment scheduled with a well-respected doctor in Atlanta, but it was still months away. We were unsure of what to do in the meantime. As we talked, we listened to music and sipped some wine. For some reason, Mommy began to feel hope again for the first time in a long time. I told Daddy that we should try again as we waited for the doctor. I said that we needed to try for a fifth time, for our "Mighty Quinn." Mommy and Daddy had another glass of wine (I will definitely leave the wine portion of this story out until you are much older!) and listened to Manford Mann's version of The Mighty Quinn. We sang along and laughed together and agreed to take a chance.

Once we found out that you were on the way, we hoped with all of our hearts that you were indeed a Mighty Quinn and could stay strong. Mommy even walked to the lake one day early on, got down on her knees in the rocks and the pine needles, and begged the Universe and God to please let our Quinn stay with us. As you continued to grow strong, we talked about other names we could call you. But nothing else fit. You were our Quinn from the start. We could not imagine any other name for you. We also had an initial feeling that you were a girl, and we especially loved the name Quinn for a daughter.

In the beginning, we created Quinn as a nickname because "quin" means five. And the fifth time of trying for a child has definitely brought us so much joy and has filled our hearts with love! But the name Quinn also means "wise" in Gaelic and "leader" in its English roots, so are were so happy to give our daughter such a strong name. We have known you were strong from the very start!

Quinn, Mommy doesn't really know what she believes sometimes and how life really works. Do things happen for a reason? Is there a plan? If there is, then how does one explain the concept of free will? I am really not sure. It is truly a mystery to me. But I do know one thing...it seems to me that you were meant to be our little Quinn. We love you so much and are so excited to meet you in a few months.

Love,

Mom